SACM Coke Club

In order to generate revenue for the Wisconsin SACM chapter, and to circumvent the ridiculous 75-cent campus monopoly on 12 oz cans of soda pop -- and just be geeky -- our coke machine has been computerized. It does not accept coin or currency (not even those spiffy new state quarters), but instead debits a person's coke account whenever they log in to the terminal alongside the coke machine and buy a coke.

So how does it work?

We're so glad you asked.

• Deposits to a coke account can be made in any amount. Well...it would help us a bit if you give us a check for a non-negative, real number, but other than that we can do any amount. Find one of us, tell us how much you worship the ground we walk on, and give us the check, cash, or an oath of undying loyalty.

• If you can't find us, you can put your check in one of our mailboxes. But the gods only know when we'll see it.

• If you can't even be bothered to find our mailboxes, you can PayPal money to devnull@cs.wisc.edu. Don't pay with a credit card, because that makes poor, impoverished SACM give some of your money to PayPal. Be certain to mention (a) that you're buying Coke, and (b) your CS account name.

• Acceptable barter items include:
  • Any major relic (5 cokes)
  • Your firstborn (10 cokes)
  • Your immortal soul (20 cokes)
  • 100 hours of indentured servitude (25 cokes)

• Withdrawals cause 60 cent decrements to a user's coke account balance until the account is reduced to below 60 cents. The coke machine does not give credit! (Unless you sign over your house as equity. Then we might consider it.)

• Funds can be transferred to another user. Preferably one of us, because we like you and think you're a wonderful, überdesirable, sexy person.

• The coke machine will automatically email you when you make a deposit, transfer money, are running low on funds, or when you break up with your significant other. You see, it's a very lonely, bitter coke machine, and it likes to gloat. All attempts to find it a suitable mate have failed. In fact, we'll give you 50 free cokes if you can end its lonely nights.

Additional information can be gleaned from the following formatted man page.

Machine specs (finger it):

• Digital(tm) Celebris XL 590
• Chip: 90 Mhz Pentium
• RAM: 64 MB
• OS: SunOS 5.5.1

The SACM coke machine is under the direct supervision of the SACM Coke Heads:

• Matt Elder
• Chris Hinrichs

Of course, none of this would be possible without these wacky people.

Ours is merely one of many coke machines on the internet; many exist all around the world, and some are far more elaborate than ours. Here is a link to the canonical source for internet coke machines.

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